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Current Mood: 
sad
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My Blahs On Life~
hear me bla bla and more blahs!
15 December 2007 @ 10:53 am
Spm is long over...... Its sad I didnt post any entry for some time.
you could say I was pretty lazy since many things happened as well.
The worse part is I'm seriously ill again.
I guess one wouldnt say I am seriously ill since i'm just quite normally sick.
But my body is really taking the illness way badly. My body feels; like its tearing apart literally.
SPM is long gone..... one of the hardest part is over...... *phew*
3 weeks. No, 4 weeks, of examination over.
Worse was... having fever during examination week.
Thankfully, my fever was controlled down the day before the examination at most times,
letting me sit my paper at ease with no groggy feeling.
Maple, could only say most have abandoned me......yaya I meant that~ <_<
Nothing much happened really... weird guild problems with 2 members left.
(could say my fault?) Owh well...........
Also training with gamemanger at elnath - coolies, picked up a 4th job book~
not like i can use it until i'm fourth job anyway T_T
I really have nothing much to say cause I really am so sick my brain is about to crush.
honestly its been 5 weeks of sick.......
Kuro already came home from his vacation at mom's.
With all the gifts brought back.... I feel bad for not saying hello to mom.
I really do want to go home to moms for some time...... but I am still a scared weakling.
Is sad isnt it? even though I am already 18, there are things I still cant stand up for.....?
I've been a bad daughter to my mother. Seriously.
I never asked to be this sick...... or sick at most time........
I've never ask for all this hardship..... but it can't be helped cant it?
I just hope to be well and strong once more..... >____<
you could say I was pretty lazy since many things happened as well.
The worse part is I'm seriously ill again.
I guess one wouldnt say I am seriously ill since i'm just quite normally sick.
But my body is really taking the illness way badly. My body feels; like its tearing apart literally.
SPM is long gone..... one of the hardest part is over...... *phew*
3 weeks. No, 4 weeks, of examination over.
Worse was... having fever during examination week.
Thankfully, my fever was controlled down the day before the examination at most times,
letting me sit my paper at ease with no groggy feeling.
Maple, could only say most have abandoned me......yaya I meant that~ <_<
Nothing much happened really... weird guild problems with 2 members left.
(could say my fault?) Owh well...........
Also training with gamemanger at elnath - coolies, picked up a 4th job book~
not like i can use it until i'm fourth job anyway T_T
I really have nothing much to say cause I really am so sick my brain is about to crush.
honestly its been 5 weeks of sick.......
Kuro already came home from his vacation at mom's.
With all the gifts brought back.... I feel bad for not saying hello to mom.
I really do want to go home to moms for some time...... but I am still a scared weakling.
Is sad isnt it? even though I am already 18, there are things I still cant stand up for.....?
I've been a bad daughter to my mother. Seriously.
I never asked to be this sick...... or sick at most time........
I've never ask for all this hardship..... but it can't be helped cant it?
I just hope to be well and strong once more..... >____<
Current Mood: 
pain
pain13 November 2007 @ 12:32 am
Wahhh so many things wan to type about that I missed out in my last entry.
First off, forgot to mention my Dad finally got his new Lappy!! (Laptop) XD Yay!
Kuro has been buzzing around it like an annoying fly and taking advantage of it LOL.
(all the games expire so FAST! T_T) and my dad didn't setup the internet connection yet... *sigh
(I'll post a picture of the lappy wen I get my hand for some time to play around with the camera and computer)
On the other hand, after my last entry I slacked and play with the computer whole night with Kuro.
We were taking blog quizes whole night through. I think I played till 4 am! XD
(summore few days before exam.. hahahha!!)
Anyway...........................!!!!!!!
First Day of exam. So Tiring. So wanna die!!!
*sigh feel so pooped. The morning before my exam I barely slept a wnik... maybe few minutes yeah,
but before I knew it, it was already morning... (I studied till 3.30am.. yet I could'nt sleep)
So by breakfast I had to drink coffee to hopfully no fall asleep during the exam.
(So long never drink coffee... did'nt taste half bad since there was plenty of honey in it @w@)
Oddly I lasted throughout the wholeday without feeling much tiredness... *phew
Most off all I want to kill En. Hasnan!!!! All the Literature Tittles he told to read DIDNT come out!!!!
Not to mention the topics for the Essay in Paper 1!!! *cry cry cryyyyy!!*
-breathesss- takes deep breath~~~~~
If I stay positive, I can achive great marks... So i know I'll do well!!! (Tip from the youtube video-The secret)
I really need to work on my Mathermatics soon. I have yet to get a work on them.
Gahhhhhhh!!! *jumps up and down* - *dances all around!* LOL!
YURINA @ WOLFIE's SINGING >> http://odeo.com/channel/105428/view
(muahahahaaa!!)
Chatting with hinsie, laplap and wolfie right now...
very calming to talk to them... makes me happy ^____^
Earlier Jovin also messaged me noting that he's coming back to Malaysia soon XD
(he was talking all funny today! LOL! X3)
Coachie also messaged me few days earlier about heading to KL after his trip from Manilla.
I won't be meeting him this time though =(
So many people coming to KL!!! GAhhh!! I want to meet everyone soon TT_TT *sobsobsob
over and out for today ... >_____________<
Current Mood: 
hyper
hyper08 November 2007 @ 01:11 am
The past 2 days I went around surfing in my manga catching-up and came by http://www.sugar888.com .
Its sort of not new to me, but I finally decided to join and leech *coughs* download some shoujo manga.
To my supprise, the Saboten No Himitsu Series has Ended!!! (ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG!!! \ @A@ / )
Its sort of not new to me, but I finally decided to join and leech *coughs* download some shoujo manga.
To my supprise, the Saboten No Himitsu Series has Ended!!! (ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG!!! \ @A@ / )
 | Saboten no Himitsu is among my TOP favourite manga's of all time. Though its a short shoujo manga story. I love how the character personality are such blur cases. XD Maybe cause at most time I think they resemble me =) I really love it so much cause its such a active story and not to mention cute and funny XD In my situation right now, I am happy yet sad to know my favourite manga has ended =( After all the clifhangers I had to endure I'm glad that I don't have to suffer my heart attack anymore as much. (Oh, my poor weak heart.) But I'm so sad it had to ended so fast. I wish It could have continued on longer =( Like all my other favourite manga its always so sad to see such a great stories end. I'll be looking forward to more of Nana-sensei's works. |
On the other hand, it was also schoking to find out that the mangaka who created Muujuryoku Shounen
(a.k.a. Anti-Gravity Boy), was also the same creater for W-pinch. I also found out another manga from the same
artist and punce my chance to download it o(*W*)V
Tittle - Seishun Shiteru Kai!
I saw many other shoujo manga's to download too (fufufuuuuu.... *w*)
But darn the limited 10 downloads a day quota TT_TT *sobs*
But I still managed to enjoy my new found (and already completed) manga.. FUfufufufuuuuuu o(*w*)o
On the other hand, my dad showed me a really great video as well.
It's called the secret and runs only for 20mins.
link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJb
It tells us about the power of our mind, and how it effects our life.
Not to say much since its better off watching to explaining here.
But amazing to know that I've already been practicing such thing for a long time before this video. @3@
Not that I'm trying to brag, but I think since my hospital experience and the April the 16th 2007, I think
my mind have been clear as such. Amazing and facinating XD
Besides that, my dad been googling musical theare on youtube, got'ta love the CATZ.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJHzoAmA8
The Starlight Express seemed so intresting as well. I wished my dad brought me to watched those
before it had stoped it its tour =(
Singing... and dancing *w* makes me bedazzeled. Its like being watching a dancing flame.
We then searched up for Kabuki dances and red and White shows.
(Unfortunately our search for red and white shows on you tube was at a horrid selection,
we couldnt find anything relating properly to it)
I watched the kabuki dance on youtube by 'Tamasaburo' and i was enchanted by it ! !
It was amazing. It may seem boring abit, but the more I watched, the more I got to appriciate it!
3 parts from Sagi Musume:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q1MPwD7z
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kP4TdEMrN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6O7KFCCE
Also after my dad searched for a song by the tittle 'Sukiyaki'.
Amazing song by Kyu Sakamoto ! Its sad to know he has pass away at an early age =(
He would have been a favourite actor of mine ><; I think I'll search up the movie's he acted in after my exam =D
A lovely memorial video with one most well known song by him
; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVVpZ-l1-P
(Sakamoto-sann~~~~~~~~~! ! ! ! ! ! *sob sob sob* TT_____TT )
Also I just found out earlier on, W Juliet has a sequel manga!! \(@3@)/
W Juliet II ! ! ! ! Gyah must download \(@3@)/
OOh on a note for myself ><
Hanreitta sms'd me last night that she would be making her trip to KL in two weeks time.
As much I can't wait to greet her. My exam is on an about then. ><;;
For a good news, she'll be going back to "Cat City" sometime after Christmas!!!! W00ts!!!
Hopefully I'll get my chance to met her after 6 years of sapparation from my friends from "MeowMeowCity".
Miss them lots >< Thank goodness Hanreitta is still great to contact me after all this time TT_TT sobsobsosb
*loves her much* TT____TT *grabs teddy bear and hugssssss*
Current Mood: 
coughing
coughing03 November 2007 @ 10:37 pm
What happened yesterday? OOps I can't remember, LOL!
Except that I was sick and having fever. LOL.
The past few days my fever's been running up and down.
Didn't really took my medicine.. "properly", so I guessed I kicked it away and it came back situation.
Bleck~ XP My body and joints are still aching.. so I cant cough, sneeze or even "LAUGH"
without feeling the pain! T3T
In maple, hinsie onichan, and uncle laplap got themselves the 2x exp coupon.
They went thier way to Singapore Map to go train there. (Those big fat fat cheaters!)
(More fat than the big fatty Alisha!)
(Old picture alert! -LOL-)
Those evil (fat!) guys are going to level up faster than me T______T *cries*
owh well..........*Super duper sigh*
On the other hand, had some fun on maple yesterday (or in other words, this morning).
Was pqing with shou, but the pq stinked(slow and blurcased)... gaved up and decided to slack in freemarket.
Afterall Wolfie and Mike were slacking there mainly. So Devwill decide to join me as well.
Mike had other buisness (since mostly the Opus gang were having some problems)..
Wolfie was left out since she was busy with college and didn't online of late.
Some how, with shou along (that came with me from pq), Wolfie, DvlWill, and I ended up playing catch. @3@;;
And later we were playing hide and seek... *super sweat!*
Then we decided to join the opus gang, since thier problem was settled.
(not to mention mike was so happy he remarked that he wasn't lonely anymore o_O)
So then was really hanging around doing and chatting weird stuff.
And I was murdered by mike (*swt) so I played dead... and everyone tried to get me to wake up.
Those people were horrible by coming with such weird idea's such as getting the pet to pe n poop on me T_T
kiss me? o_O kick me, poke me... gosh the list goes on........
Later laplap decided to come find me, but he couldnt,
cause my dead body was hidden well by two people who sat one me. (T_T;;)
When I heard laplap said he tracked me there but still couldnt see me (thoguh I was right in front of him)
I really laughed out loud behind the screen that my tummy really hurt. XD
Too bad I couldn't save a screen shot in time. T_T
So anyways to cut it short, here are some other small screshots I saved later.
click link below to see the piccies...~~ *kicks*kicks*
31 October 2007 @ 01:56 am
Happy Halloween People!
This is two pumpkins I did last 2 years. Sadly this year won't have any pumpkins for carving =(
more at >> http://shironu.deviantart.com/art/Pairs-2
LOL many things happened so far. I have a hard time starting my journal now...
knowing there'll be eye's watchign every sentence... (you evil being!)
Hmm let me start from last sunday....
Last sunday I had a great time chatting with laplap, hinsie, and will all in one chat window.
Ohohohooo passing them my video's I'ved fav'ed in youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/profile_favorites?u
Had a great deal of laughter alrite =) with all the funny video's >w<
The next day william went to sleep early, so I added in furry-chan since he was on at that moment *w*
had another round of weird chats, LOL.
The day after? Playing maple with them.. (basically training at orbis)
Before hinsie decided the would want to go coolie. So a group of five decided to team up and head our way.
(the picture of our expedition team before leaving for mount-ElNath!)
The journay was long deep and dangerous.
Heading to the starting point was easy... but at the entrance, the challenge began.
We climb long way to the top, and went in deep into the mountains.
Oxygen level was low and it was cold, so our health decreased slowly.
Luckily with two healers around our health maintained at a stable level.
Lycan and Werewolves were not the only dangerous one roaming around besides Yeti&Pepe.
Compared to them, the Hectors, White Pang, and Jr Yeti's were like fried chicken.
We soon reached a dark peak of the mountain.
The trees were bare there, and the sky looked dull as though coffee had split over the sky.
Oddly enough there used to be tree's there in the first place
as our journey upwards didn't show any signs of tree's before.
Most of, the undead scattered the place. They looked like dead guys, and no sign of dead females around.
"Poor them" I thought as our party member scoot on trying to annihilate those poor restless souls.
But as they turned to dust, more started to appear out of nowhere!
Its a mystery we couldn't solve on how the spawning of these zombie's happenes.
Espcially with no female zombies to accompany them!
It's my fact to believe that they could be the bodies of mountain climbers that had failed to survive.
How they all seem to gather at that one spot? I can not explain.
One of our teammate remarked, "This is like resident Evil!".
We soon entered into a deep tunnel where seemed to be more zombie's,
with an exception of yellow working helmets on thier heads.
The deeper we went, it gotten hotter to a point where puddles of lava covered our path.
And lava spewed out the walls of the cave.
Odd creatues which seem to look like dogs reside in that area.
They were really dangerous, and soon not long, on the journey, one of the party member was lost.
The first to out was the weak female cleric. (Unfortunately that was me)
Few minutes later, the weakest among the group, the assasin left
and joined me back in the nearest town where we first started.
3 was left on the journey. 3 more remaining left to survive the harsh cruel evnviroment.
The last three suvivors were hinsie(the cleric), phrozenheartz(the fira mage), and ljfury (the bandit).
Some time later, the remaining team reported they had reach the end of the road.
Hinsie (the spammering magic potions cleric), headed to town first where he joined the two in town.
Then came back the fire mage, PhrozenHeartz, followed by the strongest, Ljfury the bandit.
From the record, a strong creature reside in there where they could go no further.
Also an undead which protects a real treasure (source of gold from thier anatomy) resides in there.
The journey so ended. And the expedition team lingered around in town awhile before parting thier saparate ways.
We all had our cheers for reaching the end of the road of the dangerous mountain.
And raise our flags for such accomplishment. Is was some fun we had ever had in some of our lives.
-end
okay some LAME report on what had happened XD
But it was really so much more fun than it sounded =)
Mike soon joined us as I callled him over since he was in El Nath anyway.
All played awhile and talk about before I decided to hit the sack.
My body ached like crazy!
As I went under my covers I felt the cold coming over me.
By morning I had a bad tempreture. It lasted throughout the day.
I went online in maple awhile by noon, knight was in a bad mood though.
Wanted to ask him a question but he seemed busy... and he was kinda rude to ignore me and Paris.
I decided to give up and hit the sack. -But, before that, welcoming baby-Blur who is now part of my MSN~ *woots!
Nothing much later on.... though hinsie and furry was online and I died twice at the yeti-fang area...
*sighs* Nothing to report on how my day went on so far
ohohooooo~~ so........... -end!-
Current Mood: 
body pain!
body pain!25 October 2007 @ 11:42 pm
Wow... must I say alot of things happened if the past few days....
Besides my shoulder dislocated (which I think after the attemped of carrying a really heavy pot onto the stove)
and my whole joints aching.. I can't really tell them all at once.
Dad got himself a new digital camera, and Kuro punced his chance on it.
(along with me fo course.. hahahaaaa!!)
Kuro said the laptop will come in about 2 weeks time.
On other part of it, today I worked on a Maple video Kuro and I was intrested in.
Eventually, its a chobits themed song, I help create (I did most fo the work =_=;;)
dedecated ti NanamiYoki (Kuro's lil girlfriend... *stoopido baka ototo!!)
Owh well.... if I mess up, well its his first!! HAHAHHAAAaaa!!!
LOL.
(picture I drew for my maple onichan, hinsie for his birthday...
basicaly was suggested by sailaphermit LOL, but my idea too =D )
In maple... hmm... owh TODAY, Exfighterz joined back the guild!
What joy! (He left the guild after some conflict i didn't knew about a few days after i joined)
So... yay! .. Also alot of members are kicked due to unactivity..... so theres alot more space than normal.
Last few days, around morning time... hinsie onichan bully me T3T
I came online in the morning to sneak a few orbis pq's when hinsie called me to come to freemarket.
Ended up I knew he was up to buying me a new calas....
I didn't want since in a few more levels I could wear a anakurane........ but I ran out of fm,
and he bought it anyways =.=;;; Worse is, I was halfway pqing, when he decided to DROP it anyway
in freemarket and have me pick it up!!!! OMG -*slaps forehead*-
I would'nt believe he droped it..... he was offline.. then it hit me.... "like OMG he's the same type as me ! ! !",
"STUBBORN!!!"..... and he would "meant" what he said..... "Oh! G*D!". -*slaps forehead again*-
I couldn't make it to freemarket it time...
so I entered his account thinking that the extra calas was the one he didn't drop.
Went I logged back mine, hinsie appeared again.. and he indeed drop it and it was lost.
"Gosh all the trouble he caused me!!" I would want to kill him if I saw him!
Gyaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~~! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Anyways he did it again.. droped a orange calas which I was forced to pick... T3T
Gosh..... how come I'm the one giving into him!!! \(>A<)/
Usually I'm the bully and "they" give in......!!! This is a first..... T.T since......
since BladeWing trathened me with money for comics..... <(x.x)>
I noticed of later while playing maple..... many people seem to bully me T.T
Mr Lefty said it himself when he questioned me... "Why alot of people like to bully you"
I'm not telling the second phrase cause its cheesy <(>3<)>
But yeah... they really like to comment about my eye being too big, or my hair green like a plant...
*sighs...... not that I want to care what they think.... cause I love it!
But I wish at times they would kep thier comment to themselves if they were gonna ambush me...
But then again.... I guess I should appriciate that they are honest and not one behind the back...
I appriciate that.
Also on another report...... I went to Singapore map to the Ghostship to earn some money while training...
but ended up dying more times than I should....(really lots of times... ALOTTTTT! *maybe 7?*)
So I decided to go back to orbis to level and come back when i'm level 70..... *sighs* T___T
Current Mood: bouncy
bouncy14 October 2007 @ 01:20 am
Well I've been having too much fun in maple again...
Besides Wofiza and Miinru getting married last Friday in the wee hours of the morning,
not long leter, Hinsie has joined to be part of my maple family XD
(My oni-chan!) LOl... been really wanting to get a heart staff.. *dies of no money*
Was chatting with Shioko again.. he shared the Kayne West song with me.. (Want vomit blood!)
Yeah he did ruined Daft Punk's song.. so I showed him a couple of Daft punk video featuring Interstella5555.
He pushed me to watch "1 liter of tears" which I assumed it was another chinese-canton drama (blekhh!)
Turned out to be a Japanese drama.... something about a girl struggling with her disease....
Really reminded of me......... Nearly a tear fell a time or two... but I help it back!
MUahahhaa!! Telling Shioko I didn't cry!! Muahahaa!!!
The past week I really was fishing myself to maple.... Not to mention that I've reached lvl 50 (yay!).
But my studies a paused.... (i fell to jump in the lake and drown now..)
Not to mention I bought a 7.5k Acash gown... (if I knew earlier I wouldn't have wasted my money...)
Mainly the reason was for Wolfie's wedding.... wasted to look like matching bride's maid with Orriana...
Heck it ended up that there were clothes for rent inside... (nuts....)
Anyways the wedding was really fun. =)
Wolfie's going to college on Tuesday which explains the rushed wedding.
Anyway a picture from the wedding...
(unfortunatelt my badhabit of itching to touch the print-screen button to many times ruined the capture)
Besides Wofiza and Miinru getting married last Friday in the wee hours of the morning,
not long leter, Hinsie has joined to be part of my maple family XD
(My oni-chan!) LOl... been really wanting to get a heart staff.. *dies of no money*
Was chatting with Shioko again.. he shared the Kayne West song with me.. (Want vomit blood!)
Yeah he did ruined Daft Punk's song.. so I showed him a couple of Daft punk video featuring Interstella5555.
He pushed me to watch "1 liter of tears" which I assumed it was another chinese-canton drama (blekhh!)
Turned out to be a Japanese drama.... something about a girl struggling with her disease....
Really reminded of me......... Nearly a tear fell a time or two... but I help it back!
MUahahhaa!! Telling Shioko I didn't cry!! Muahahaa!!!
The past week I really was fishing myself to maple.... Not to mention that I've reached lvl 50 (yay!).
But my studies a paused.... (i fell to jump in the lake and drown now..)
Not to mention I bought a 7.5k Acash gown... (if I knew earlier I wouldn't have wasted my money...)
Mainly the reason was for Wolfie's wedding.... wasted to look like matching bride's maid with Orriana...
Heck it ended up that there were clothes for rent inside... (nuts....)
Anyways the wedding was really fun. =)
Wolfie's going to college on Tuesday which explains the rushed wedding.
Anyway a picture from the wedding...
(unfortunatelt my badhabit of itching to touch the print-screen button to many times ruined the capture)
Current Mood: 
uncomfortable
uncomfortable09 October 2007 @ 07:59 pm
Alot of things has hapen of late.
And I'm really happy now... though I do know the fact that SPM is closing by, I'm not ready...
I'm about to die.. yet why doesnt it get to my head, and why am I still hanging round the computer???
I've made alot of friends this time in maple now.
Ludibruim party quest is really fun ^^ (not including the fact, that "are" jerks around that only care about leveling
and tend to curse around and stuff).
I've update my buddylist to about 50, and I was going to add more before I realized, the max is 50 people....
"Oh the cruelttyyy!!!", *does damsel pose*
I had to end up deleting other people which is so unfair >.<
Okay maybe 50 isnt enough for me huh? =_=;;; Myabe cause I'm having too much fun making too much friends!!!
NOt really friends such as some, but heck.
I decided to become William's "onee-chan" in Maple about 3 days ago... he's so adorable o(>w<)o
Fan-san came aver last weekend(er.. Sunday?) Help me with Chemistry... Wan die....
And RAYA IS THIS COMING SATURDAY!!! (My..... how time flies!)
Theres nothing to eat in the house.... so.. hungry... *no comments about this*
Oh and for the first time, Dad played the guitar infront of me... YAY!!!
(after showing him smoe of the weird bufflax video's in maple!! hahahhaaa!!)
http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=b
hahahah enjoy...~~~
And I'm really happy now... though I do know the fact that SPM is closing by, I'm not ready...
I'm about to die.. yet why doesnt it get to my head, and why am I still hanging round the computer???
I've made alot of friends this time in maple now.
Ludibruim party quest is really fun ^^ (not including the fact, that "are" jerks around that only care about leveling
and tend to curse around and stuff).
I've update my buddylist to about 50, and I was going to add more before I realized, the max is 50 people....
"Oh the cruelttyyy!!!", *does damsel pose*
I had to end up deleting other people which is so unfair >.<
Okay maybe 50 isnt enough for me huh? =_=;;; Myabe cause I'm having too much fun making too much friends!!!
NOt really friends such as some, but heck.
I decided to become William's "onee-chan" in Maple about 3 days ago... he's so adorable o(>w<)o
Fan-san came aver last weekend(er.. Sunday?) Help me with Chemistry... Wan die....
And RAYA IS THIS COMING SATURDAY!!! (My..... how time flies!)
Theres nothing to eat in the house.... so.. hungry... *no comments about this*
Oh and for the first time, Dad played the guitar infront of me... YAY!!!
(after showing him smoe of the weird bufflax video's in maple!! hahahhaaa!!)
http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=b
hahahah enjoy...~~~
Current Mood: 
cheerful
cheerful01 October 2007 @ 03:01 am
No idea for what itttle to name this entry.. -_-
Have notting any entries of late again.. sry.. T3T
I've been really hooked to maple and been busy leveling.
I'm now a level 47 cleric and a lvl 24 bowman. I've made alot of new friends too.
I've been so hooked I've came online to play it everyday.
Which is bad for me since my exam is in 1 month time, and I have only covered my Biology.
I hate studying.. really... I cant seem to put my head in it whenever i look into it...
I should be panicking now... but I crave to go online T_T
Anyways I'm going to try for real now.... Hopefully....
Today Kuro bought some Acash cards for maple too. Spent about RM72 for a 30k worth.
Gosh.. As bad as me huh? ... sighs.....
I also chatted with Shioko today too.... Who knew he could talk so much...
It's my first encounter with him chatting so happily too.. -_-;;
Hmmm.... who knew he could curse too?? Lol. he sent me a few songs to listen..
and asked me to watch a weird drama called 1 leter of water or something like that -_-
(what a weird name.....) and he like the Bhangra Nights Video I sent him too. LMAOoo....
Well he has his exams approaching too....
I should really scoot.. I feel so panicy now.. I really want to score well for my exams..
But its so hard to study.. I hate it..... And I have left 1 month more..
I'm about to commit suiside!!!
Have notting any entries of late again.. sry.. T3T
I've been really hooked to maple and been busy leveling.
I'm now a level 47 cleric and a lvl 24 bowman. I've made alot of new friends too.
I've been so hooked I've came online to play it everyday.
Which is bad for me since my exam is in 1 month time, and I have only covered my Biology.
I hate studying.. really... I cant seem to put my head in it whenever i look into it...
I should be panicking now... but I crave to go online T_T
Anyways I'm going to try for real now.... Hopefully....
Today Kuro bought some Acash cards for maple too. Spent about RM72 for a 30k worth.
Gosh.. As bad as me huh? ... sighs.....
I also chatted with Shioko today too.... Who knew he could talk so much...
It's my first encounter with him chatting so happily too.. -_-;;
Hmmm.... who knew he could curse too?? Lol. he sent me a few songs to listen..
and asked me to watch a weird drama called 1 leter of water or something like that -_-
(what a weird name.....) and he like the Bhangra Nights Video I sent him too. LMAOoo....
Well he has his exams approaching too....
I should really scoot.. I feel so panicy now.. I really want to score well for my exams..
But its so hard to study.. I hate it..... And I have left 1 month more..
I'm about to commit suiside!!!
Current Mood: 
nervous
nervous21 September 2007 @ 03:31 pm
It's been a while sicne I blogged again. i got lazy.
Though I did intend on submitting a couple of entries.
I guess I got too lazy and procrastinate... yeah my third name after blurcase and before lazybum.
LOL
Eternal Chaos guild has in a bit of chaos of late...
Pauper and her bro+sis left the guild due to a confilect with mrowrt.
Eventually he got kicked and we persuaded them to stay in the guild.
But then and now they still act bit brat-ish by saying they are about to leave the guild...
*sighs....
Sad though cuase from what I know earlier there were other people who left the guild such as Exfighterz
and I barely knew him as I just joined the guild. Other left due to same problem I'm presuming.
BUt I didn't know since I wasn't in yet.
Even so, the guild is pretty alrite I guess. Hopefully everything will still last nicely....
Kuro joined the guild too. OH and I manage to do a guild quest with them till the fourth stage.
(which is good besides we all getting kill by the boss monster -_-;;)
Yurina's guild however, Opus Republic, I think the GUild Master has yet to acknowledge me yet.
*sigh* Maybe is because of my low level stats.... but owh well. I'll see how long it'll last.
I'm not fond either. Though I do get along well with the rest of the members. I think.... o_O
Anyhow or anywho.... FantasiZer came over my house two days ago to help me with my studies.
(which i think is a huge bummer @ failure).... I barely capture much of the chapters..
And I feel like a doop. (Cuase I'm so BLUR!!) I'm not sure I'll even pass my subjects....
*sighs* I am indeed running out of time yet I glue myself to the comp more often than I glue myslef to the books.
Seriously I'm so sick of studying... *sighs*
Either way, I'm so jeaous of Fan-san... he seems like a perfectionist... (though he says himself he know other which are well better than him)....
BUt I think he is already "great" since he can do a whole lot of stuff....
What a meanie!!! T___T I'm so jealous of his perfection state.....
*sighs* Wish I was as great deal as that.... -_- *sighs
He even tuned the guitar my dad bought which was lying around in the room for ages....
and started playing..... Sugeeiiii na!! He's like so cool!! And I'm so jealous I feel like want to beat him up!! \@A@/
Yeah.. I'm pretty jealous of him -_- *sigh...*
ALso while playing maple of late, I made a whole lot of friends...
Since my last hyper socializing that got hanged due to my illness, I guess I kinda got rusty with making myself around.
But I think I got my hang of myself again. though is only a game.
I feel happy since I get to hang a whole lot more with other people and meet a whole bunch of people.
Its like a little small window that opens up to a whole new world for me.
I missed by outing with cosplayers days.... But with my condition now I guess hanging out too much now,
aint really my thing to do anymore.... I guess I'm kinda more stuck to one spot now.. *sighs*
Though still theres still that little problem with community which i still cant stand, and still havnt change.
Its a bummer.
-Shiro
Though I did intend on submitting a couple of entries.
I guess I got too lazy and procrastinate... yeah my third name after blurcase and before lazybum.
LOL
Eternal Chaos guild has in a bit of chaos of late...
Pauper and her bro+sis left the guild due to a confilect with mrowrt.
Eventually he got kicked and we persuaded them to stay in the guild.
But then and now they still act bit brat-ish by saying they are about to leave the guild...
*sighs....
Sad though cuase from what I know earlier there were other people who left the guild such as Exfighterz
and I barely knew him as I just joined the guild. Other left due to same problem I'm presuming.
BUt I didn't know since I wasn't in yet.
Even so, the guild is pretty alrite I guess. Hopefully everything will still last nicely....
Kuro joined the guild too. OH and I manage to do a guild quest with them till the fourth stage.
(which is good besides we all getting kill by the boss monster -_-;;)
Yurina's guild however, Opus Republic, I think the GUild Master has yet to acknowledge me yet.
*sigh* Maybe is because of my low level stats.... but owh well. I'll see how long it'll last.
I'm not fond either. Though I do get along well with the rest of the members. I think.... o_O
Anyhow or anywho.... FantasiZer came over my house two days ago to help me with my studies.
(which i think is a huge bummer @ failure).... I barely capture much of the chapters..
And I feel like a doop. (Cuase I'm so BLUR!!) I'm not sure I'll even pass my subjects....
*sighs* I am indeed running out of time yet I glue myself to the comp more often than I glue myslef to the books.
Seriously I'm so sick of studying... *sighs*
Either way, I'm so jeaous of Fan-san... he seems like a perfectionist... (though he says himself he know other which are well better than him)....
BUt I think he is already "great" since he can do a whole lot of stuff....
What a meanie!!! T___T I'm so jealous of his perfection state.....
*sighs* Wish I was as great deal as that.... -_- *sighs
He even tuned the guitar my dad bought which was lying around in the room for ages....
and started playing..... Sugeeiiii na!! He's like so cool!! And I'm so jealous I feel like want to beat him up!! \@A@/
Yeah.. I'm pretty jealous of him -_- *sigh...*
ALso while playing maple of late, I made a whole lot of friends...
Since my last hyper socializing that got hanged due to my illness, I guess I kinda got rusty with making myself around.
But I think I got my hang of myself again. though is only a game.
I feel happy since I get to hang a whole lot more with other people and meet a whole bunch of people.
Its like a little small window that opens up to a whole new world for me.
I missed by outing with cosplayers days.... But with my condition now I guess hanging out too much now,
aint really my thing to do anymore.... I guess I'm kinda more stuck to one spot now.. *sighs*
Though still theres still that little problem with community which i still cant stand, and still havnt change.
Its a bummer.
-Shiro
Current Mood: 
blank
blank11 September 2007 @ 10:50 am
Lol, My birthday has passed. The first few minutes of it was dissapointing...
There was no immediate greeting besides from Hikari and Miyabi.
I played Maple the rest of the morning. About 6 when i was off (and halfway eating),
Ben10 called me to wished my birthday.
Later in the day was followed by NIsha, Rubini, FantasiZer, Krizziz, Kikyo, and Hanreitta.
I guess later in the day wasn't too bad. I'm just glad people remembered my birthday ^^
Aunt Lily came by in the afternoon to drop me off come cake and scooted off.
A secret visit, LOL.
Nite time wasn't much of a celebration, my Dad was *stoopid* to ruin our appities with flaxseedmouslee and made us all stuffed. So the cake party was a missed as Kuro and I went to sleep early.
(He got an amplifier he leeched of my grandma and installed it in his room).
Dad went to sleep early too. The mosquito's were very busy today and woke me n Kuro up.
I headed straight for the comp then.
Yeah my dad woke up later and shood me off as usual....
Oh, and Yurina brought me a nice gift. A 900 @cash party hat -_+;; LOL LOL XD
Oh and a special wish weather.... she took a screenshot (which I totally forgot to save, credits to her~)
(Looks like the duck seem to enjoy the chocolate~ LOL!)
And yes I looked shocked don't I XD hahahahhaa
Leter in the night(morning), I went to FreeMarket to hangout with NinjaX, Wolfy and Cero. ^^
Also I was finally invited into thier guild, OpusRepublic http://opusrepublic.diaryland.com/
hahaha. Well you can say I was really blur there ^^
Cero also helped me out by answering my questions on a Archer's built (seeing that he is an archer himself).
With approval saying that my archer is in a good built ^^
Haha... later nothing much. Was surfing around the guild's website and posting around the forums as well as passing some manga (Penguin Revolution) to Yurina.
Speaking of which, LOL, in the earlier days (that means few days ago)
I picked up a "Bow of Magical Destruction" while training at Shanghai! Like OMG!
Praise the Lord God Jesus!!! It must've been my birthday gift from Him, sicne I really wanted to hunt one
of the bows when I knew more about it. I loved how it looked when I first set eyes on it!
(heres the picture of the siggy I first say the bow XD unfortunately it can't b used until lvl 65+ onwards)
On another story, earlier on also I read the lates chapter of Penguin Revolution.
And "KYAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~~" *fangirls around the room* XD
Ryou and Fujimaru kissed XD hahahahahhaaaaa~~
nd to think the earlier suspence of Fujimaru getting fired was going to kill me!
"This" (kissing scene) is the worse! LOL! (though they didnt directly meant to kiss each other) Hahahaha!
Either way I should go find for Gokkun Pucho's latest chapter relase as well XD
(I'm SLACKING IN MY STUDIES FOR REAL! I SHOULD BE GETTING WORRIED NOW!! T_T)
There was no immediate greeting besides from Hikari and Miyabi.
I played Maple the rest of the morning. About 6 when i was off (and halfway eating),
Ben10 called me to wished my birthday.
Later in the day was followed by NIsha, Rubini, FantasiZer, Krizziz, Kikyo, and Hanreitta.
I guess later in the day wasn't too bad. I'm just glad people remembered my birthday ^^
Aunt Lily came by in the afternoon to drop me off come cake and scooted off.
A secret visit, LOL.
Nite time wasn't much of a celebration, my Dad was *stoopid* to ruin our appities with flaxseedmouslee and made us all stuffed. So the cake party was a missed as Kuro and I went to sleep early.
(He got an amplifier he leeched of my grandma and installed it in his room).
Dad went to sleep early too. The mosquito's were very busy today and woke me n Kuro up.
I headed straight for the comp then.
Yeah my dad woke up later and shood me off as usual....
Oh, and Yurina brought me a nice gift. A 900 @cash party hat -_+;; LOL LOL XD
Oh and a special wish weather.... she took a screenshot (which I totally forgot to save, credits to her~)
(Looks like the duck seem to enjoy the chocolate~ LOL!)
And yes I looked shocked don't I XD hahahahhaa
Leter in the night(morning), I went to FreeMarket to hangout with NinjaX, Wolfy and Cero. ^^
Also I was finally invited into thier guild, OpusRepublic http://opusrepublic.diaryland.com/
hahaha. Well you can say I was really blur there ^^
Cero also helped me out by answering my questions on a Archer's built (seeing that he is an archer himself).
With approval saying that my archer is in a good built ^^
Haha... later nothing much. Was surfing around the guild's website and posting around the forums as well as passing some manga (Penguin Revolution) to Yurina.
Speaking of which, LOL, in the earlier days (that means few days ago)
I picked up a "Bow of Magical Destruction" while training at Shanghai! Like OMG!
Praise the Lord God Jesus!!! It must've been my birthday gift from Him, sicne I really wanted to hunt one
of the bows when I knew more about it. I loved how it looked when I first set eyes on it!
(heres the picture of the siggy I first say the bow XD unfortunately it can't b used until lvl 65+ onwards)
On another story, earlier on also I read the lates chapter of Penguin Revolution.
And "KYAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~~" *fangirls around the room* XD
Ryou and Fujimaru kissed XD hahahahahhaaaaa~~
nd to think the earlier suspence of Fujimaru getting fired was going to kill me!
"This" (kissing scene) is the worse! LOL! (though they didnt directly meant to kiss each other) Hahahaha!
Either way I should go find for Gokkun Pucho's latest chapter relase as well XD
(I'm SLACKING IN MY STUDIES FOR REAL! I SHOULD BE GETTING WORRIED NOW!! T_T)
Current Mood: 
crazy
crazy05 September 2007 @ 05:27 am
Last Merdeka / Independance Day was celebrated with a trip to Jusco.
Met up with Midori, Yurina, Sabby, Ban10, and Coozy there and then.
I didn't bother about Coozy anymore, and boy was Sabby a shocking supprise!
Talk about slimming down!! XD
Me n Yurina got our @cash card. Spent RM70 for 30k.. T_T
Splashed it on a 28k beauty set. (Hair change, colour change, n face change)
Money fly fly away~~~ T_T
Saturday morning was spent with playing maple. And went to sleep about 7am.
Kuro however, made the computer busted by the time I awoke around lunch time to play.
So the next 3 days I suffered without the computer.
Speaking of which that I'm highly addicted to now =_=;;
Im trying hard to keep myself away and study for an ammount of time.
its really hard. And my study timing is behind schedual too... due to the ammount of time
spent on the computer (maple).
I'm having lotsa fun at maple infact. Its realy enjoyfull.
Me and Yurina are darn addicted to it now too.
Sadly though Yurina's has limited unknown acess to the lappy.
My Aunt Lily mention about sponcering(lend) me to buy a lappy for myself after SPM.
Hopefully I can make good use of a PC table (if I buy one) besides gaming -_-;;
I need to start to work on my cg soon. I fell left behind in the competition (DA)
Either way I lag on my blogging these few days due to the fact I'm accoupied.. with.. well...
no need say really... ahh my mind is really infiltrated with stupid game thing ><
Current Mood: 
high
high29 August 2007 @ 01:49 am
Exam is coming and I'm focusing on study.. (Yet why am I still online???)
Yeah damn addict to the computer... Baka kuro passed me my exam (trial) schedual last sunday night (when the exam was on monday!!!)
So eventually I missed my trials. Anyways I'm not ready anyway.
been concentrating to study as much as possible... fast study since I don't have much time.
2 months before the real SPM start to knock my door.
11 (or was it 12) subjetcs... hopefully I've got enough time to go through all my subject.
My aim?? All A's (of course I know I wont eventually get all A's, but results always are lower than expectations so better to aim higher right?)
Trying to Study one subject per week. Unfortunately I cant grip on 100 pages a day (reference book) since I slack too much (either sleeping, fooling around, lolly dagging, or talking around) and one book is about 500 pages.
Hopefully I can do it in time. My break to ease my mind would be the computer I guess.
I can't help it... Stupid maple floats around my head at times.
I nid a break here and then I guess... My brain will overload if don't.
But seriously! I don't have that time. So hopefully 30mins computer time will ease the tension.
Speaking of which, MY NAIL DROPED OUT YESTERDAY!!
I wan like, OMG!!! (Running straight to my dad!) What an horrifying sight to see!
It was the same finger I hurt the other day not long after my return from the hospital.
it turned blue and I guess it dropped off to regenerate itself. (Since my dad says he's experience it himself severals times, I guess its nothing for me to worry about), and yeah, its the same finger that hurt while I was introduced to Audition.
Speaking of games, Maple, well... stuck in my head as you know off. Besides that, I'm hoping that I can play soon to create a new sniper character in the game. Was inspired by the video's in http://bowmanvideos.blogspot.com/ .
To be honest, I really like the bowman's anyways. Was kinda sick of seeing to many clerics around.. (should I have gone for ice/lightning or fire/poison mages?) I dunno really...
Either way, the bowman's have so much nice clothings.. LOL Got to love the hats!! (I love hats duh!)
Continuing along, Gonna take this a stop now since I let myself have till 2.15 to play and sleep then study tomorrow morning. I nid my bit dose of maple of feel extremly ill.
(My bags under my eyes are starting to look obvious)
Yeah damn addict to the computer... Baka kuro passed me my exam (trial) schedual last sunday night (when the exam was on monday!!!)
So eventually I missed my trials. Anyways I'm not ready anyway.
been concentrating to study as much as possible... fast study since I don't have much time.
2 months before the real SPM start to knock my door.
11 (or was it 12) subjetcs... hopefully I've got enough time to go through all my subject.
My aim?? All A's (of course I know I wont eventually get all A's, but results always are lower than expectations so better to aim higher right?)
Trying to Study one subject per week. Unfortunately I cant grip on 100 pages a day (reference book) since I slack too much (either sleeping, fooling around, lolly dagging, or talking around) and one book is about 500 pages.
Hopefully I can do it in time. My break to ease my mind would be the computer I guess.
I can't help it... Stupid maple floats around my head at times.
I nid a break here and then I guess... My brain will overload if don't.
But seriously! I don't have that time. So hopefully 30mins computer time will ease the tension.
Speaking of which, MY NAIL DROPED OUT YESTERDAY!!
I wan like, OMG!!! (Running straight to my dad!) What an horrifying sight to see!
It was the same finger I hurt the other day not long after my return from the hospital.
it turned blue and I guess it dropped off to regenerate itself. (Since my dad says he's experience it himself severals times, I guess its nothing for me to worry about), and yeah, its the same finger that hurt while I was introduced to Audition.
Speaking of games, Maple, well... stuck in my head as you know off. Besides that, I'm hoping that I can play soon to create a new sniper character in the game. Was inspired by the video's in http://bowmanvideos.blogspot.com/ .
To be honest, I really like the bowman's anyways. Was kinda sick of seeing to many clerics around.. (should I have gone for ice/lightning or fire/poison mages?) I dunno really...
Either way, the bowman's have so much nice clothings.. LOL Got to love the hats!! (I love hats duh!)
Continuing along, Gonna take this a stop now since I let myself have till 2.15 to play and sleep then study tomorrow morning. I nid my bit dose of maple of feel extremly ill.
(My bags under my eyes are starting to look obvious)
Current Mood: 
super tired yet zombie like
super tired yet zombie like19 August 2007 @ 08:55 pm
I've been playing Maple for quite some time, and I've been really enjoying myself.
It is quite a fun game when there's friends to play with.
Since Daisy wont join maple with me, I guess I'm kinda stuck there alone at most times, since not all my friends come on9 that often... (poor Yuri pulled apart from her lappy again often... )
Since I got into Maple, I havn't been haging out with Daisy much. I missed her.....
On the other hand, making friends with people in maple can be quite an experience.
Sadly though I do meet up and notice some very anoying people there. (I dont like to stereotype people.. but I'm guesing them as mostly Singaporean's, or Chinnese)
I mean like, can people be like 'rude much'?? If its not the showy type, theres really those hoggers and bitches/bastards haging around.
I mean like for good grief! Its a game for everyone to play! These people goes around like saying "cc plz",
like if there's a "please" there, its asking nicely... it doesn't mean the person WILL change channels...
Heck like don't hog the map for yourself... you want play solo go play a a solo game then! Sheesh!
I mean like, I don't like to critiseize, but people these days can be so rude. So much for mannerism!
On the pther hand, I did meet up on a few very nice people. Its not TOO rare that you'd only find some when lightning stikes you. But then once in a while, there are nice people around willing tp help others I guess.
But to make a point, There are difinately more rude people there in this era.
"GOOD BYE SIVILAZATION!" I wave my handkerchief to the sinking boat.
Like can kids these days be even ruder or what?! Hold that thought! I know the answer.
Things been taking a real twist around the pool these days. (More like whirilpool!)
My head's been like spinning more now. As in like confusion spinning...
Gosh if like things can't get anymore confusing.
Darn I really wish I have someone I can talk to right now.... If only my chatting buddy wasn't gone anymore.
Need to crap to release my stress.... guess that time was over huh.... moving on is very er... sad..??
When thing takes its toll, its really kinda set to let hings go really.... like Daisy use to say.. "Beautiful Memories".
I guess we can't appriciate them better without having them pass behind us eh?
Don't know where's FantasiZer been these while.... hmm... Yurina is mostly stuck when lappy has gone off with her momz.
*deep sighs* Its kinda disapointing really..... I have no idea why... is it because I'm lonely? I have no idea why...
With my friends sometimes I feel like take advantage of them... makes me feel bad all the time.
But thats why I treasure them so much. They're kindness to me is never measurable.
I just wished that in some way or the other, I can replay them for thier kindness to myself.
Like said again, letting go is such a hard thing to do.
Anyways enough with my crapping, I'll post up some nice pictures I browsed trough devianart like I said in my last journal.
http://saeedesign.deviantart.com/art/for-t
Just on a side note, This picture is NOT manipulated.
Makes it even more beautiful doesn't it ^^
I can't describe it much.. but it erally has a lot of conseptual meaning to it ^^
http://annaethgreenleaf.deviantart.com/a
In a way. it seems like the World is held in the palm.
So beautiful yet legant, yet as though it would break by the touch.
The background is like a weird confusion to me... I dunno.. maybe I'm really in a confusing mood right now?
I can't tell >< But one things for sure, its a really beautiful conseptual art full with meaning again ^^
Will Share more pics next time.
Feel Bad for not adding much entries lately to the journal since I've been coupt up with Maple of late.
Well, off to Maple again I am.
(I feel kinda bad since I've been putting Maple first before my books. But I've been erally hooked to it, and ben wondering around my head 27/7! Its a curse I tell ya!)
-Shiro
It is quite a fun game when there's friends to play with.
Since Daisy wont join maple with me, I guess I'm kinda stuck there alone at most times, since not all my friends come on9 that often... (poor Yuri pulled apart from her lappy again often... )
Since I got into Maple, I havn't been haging out with Daisy much. I missed her.....
On the other hand, making friends with people in maple can be quite an experience.
Sadly though I do meet up and notice some very anoying people there. (I dont like to stereotype people.. but I'm guesing them as mostly Singaporean's, or Chinnese)
I mean like, can people be like 'rude much'?? If its not the showy type, theres really those hoggers and bitches/bastards haging around.
I mean like for good grief! Its a game for everyone to play! These people goes around like saying "cc plz",
like if there's a "please" there, its asking nicely... it doesn't mean the person WILL change channels...
Heck like don't hog the map for yourself... you want play solo go play a a solo game then! Sheesh!
I mean like, I don't like to critiseize, but people these days can be so rude. So much for mannerism!
On the pther hand, I did meet up on a few very nice people. Its not TOO rare that you'd only find some when lightning stikes you. But then once in a while, there are nice people around willing tp help others I guess.
But to make a point, There are difinately more rude people there in this era.
"GOOD BYE SIVILAZATION!" I wave my handkerchief to the sinking boat.
Like can kids these days be even ruder or what?! Hold that thought! I know the answer.
Things been taking a real twist around the pool these days. (More like whirilpool!)
My head's been like spinning more now. As in like confusion spinning...
Gosh if like things can't get anymore confusing.
Darn I really wish I have someone I can talk to right now.... If only my chatting buddy wasn't gone anymore.
Need to crap to release my stress.... guess that time was over huh.... moving on is very er... sad..??
When thing takes its toll, its really kinda set to let hings go really.... like Daisy use to say.. "Beautiful Memories".
I guess we can't appriciate them better without having them pass behind us eh?
Don't know where's FantasiZer been these while.... hmm... Yurina is mostly stuck when lappy has gone off with her momz.
*deep sighs* Its kinda disapointing really..... I have no idea why... is it because I'm lonely? I have no idea why...
With my friends sometimes I feel like take advantage of them... makes me feel bad all the time.
But thats why I treasure them so much. They're kindness to me is never measurable.
I just wished that in some way or the other, I can replay them for thier kindness to myself.
Like said again, letting go is such a hard thing to do.
Anyways enough with my crapping, I'll post up some nice pictures I browsed trough devianart like I said in my last journal.
http://saeedesign.deviantart.com/art/for-t
Just on a side note, This picture is NOT manipulated.
Makes it even more beautiful doesn't it ^^
I can't describe it much.. but it erally has a lot of conseptual meaning to it ^^
http://annaethgreenleaf.deviantart.com/a
In a way. it seems like the World is held in the palm.
So beautiful yet legant, yet as though it would break by the touch.
The background is like a weird confusion to me... I dunno.. maybe I'm really in a confusing mood right now?
I can't tell >< But one things for sure, its a really beautiful conseptual art full with meaning again ^^
Will Share more pics next time.
Feel Bad for not adding much entries lately to the journal since I've been coupt up with Maple of late.
Well, off to Maple again I am.
(I feel kinda bad since I've been putting Maple first before my books. But I've been erally hooked to it, and ben wondering around my head 27/7! Its a curse I tell ya!)
-Shiro
Current Mood: hyper
hyper14 August 2007 @ 12:09 am
Of late I've been introduced to Maple and I've been hooked to it ^_^
Firstly the main reason is because there's a item quest that I really wanted to get and I have been training so that I can get it. (Since requiement level to use it is 30 and its an event quest means only for a certain time.
Eventually, I had to restart my character. (Baka Fantsizer said my skill and ability points all wrong!)
So eventually I've been going everyday to Maple to play and quickly get my item.
Luckily I met a very nice stranger called bmxXx619, a level 49 Cleric, who gracefully offered to bring me meet Gwin (a NPC) and help me get my flag TwT
I died once, so there was two tries in total XD
Like the map is so far >A< i think they want torture us! But in the end I was really happy TwT
He even bought me a return scroll back to the nearest town for free.. TwT
Hahaha, sad though since he's younger than me like 2 years XD
Theres alot of nice and kind pople in Maple TwT
Fantasizer gave me like 200,000 mesos to help me out, and bought me scrolls, and helped train me...
Until yesterday he said I should go train myself >A< (meanie! Reason I'm trying to super fastlevel is so I can get the flag baka! >A<)
Well now thats out the picture ^o^ Yurina helped me too ^^ she bought cash items @w@!! Her Character is really equiped O_O
I met Coozy too. He went to see Yurina while there, eventually I was with her... I told her was okay though when he asked who was I. I guess I'm ready to get back to normal now. *sighs*
Anyways I'm so happy bmx helped me get my flag! TwT I cant thank him enough...
sad I couldnt post the victory picture of my quest at the dungeon with bmx >.< Kuro went and shooed me off the computer so he can play his account, and I forgot about pasting the picture (>A<)/
One thing for sure is that I realised that maple also has alot of desperados(desperate people) looking for gf and bf all the way =_=
Not that I want to complain since I want one too TAT but to jump around in public and asking its like..... O_O ....
It's silly for me to say this.. -_- but I also want to have a Maple bf too -_- gosh I'm pathetic.....
Either way I'm thinking of buying cash items too ^.^
There's one kimono I'm dying to get DX
Speaking of which, I've been really slacking in life alot. Since Maple I keep going on and never touching my books ><
I told myself after I get my Flag I would concentrate on my SPM.
But I'm so hooked I cant stay away from the computer T__T
I also been away from my messanger long. D been rather er.. I have no idea how to describe ><
I think she might be mad at me? TAT I think I ditched her for maple.....
She also seem to close down on all the things... I hope it wasnt my doing >< though I know that at one part she will say it isnt >.<
But still... I'll miss her alot... T____T Noooo Daisyy~~~~~~~~~ \(TTDTT)/ Come baaaaccckkkkuuu`~~~!!
Btw, browsing on DA today, I found another lot of nice pictures to share. I'll post them on next time in my future entries ^^ Now I'm Lazy. >.< Laaa... bye bye XD
Firstly the main reason is because there's a item quest that I really wanted to get and I have been training so that I can get it. (Since requiement level to use it is 30 and its an event quest means only for a certain time.
Eventually, I had to restart my character. (Baka Fantsizer said my skill and ability points all wrong!)
So eventually I've been going everyday to Maple to play and quickly get my item.
Luckily I met a very nice stranger called bmxXx619, a level 49 Cleric, who gracefully offered to bring me meet Gwin (a NPC) and help me get my flag TwT
I died once, so there was two tries in total XD
Like the map is so far >A< i think they want torture us! But in the end I was really happy TwT
He even bought me a return scroll back to the nearest town for free.. TwT
Hahaha, sad though since he's younger than me like 2 years XD
Theres alot of nice and kind pople in Maple TwT
Fantasizer gave me like 200,000 mesos to help me out, and bought me scrolls, and helped train me...
Until yesterday he said I should go train myself >A< (meanie! Reason I'm trying to super fastlevel is so I can get the flag baka! >A<)
Well now thats out the picture ^o^ Yurina helped me too ^^ she bought cash items @w@!! Her Character is really equiped O_O
I met Coozy too. He went to see Yurina while there, eventually I was with her... I told her was okay though when he asked who was I. I guess I'm ready to get back to normal now. *sighs*
Anyways I'm so happy bmx helped me get my flag! TwT I cant thank him enough...
sad I couldnt post the victory picture of my quest at the dungeon with bmx >.< Kuro went and shooed me off the computer so he can play his account, and I forgot about pasting the picture (>A<)/
One thing for sure is that I realised that maple also has alot of desperados(desperate people) looking for gf and bf all the way =_=
Not that I want to complain since I want one too TAT but to jump around in public and asking its like..... O_O ....
It's silly for me to say this.. -_- but I also want to have a Maple bf too -_- gosh I'm pathetic.....
Either way I'm thinking of buying cash items too ^.^
There's one kimono I'm dying to get DX
Speaking of which, I've been really slacking in life alot. Since Maple I keep going on and never touching my books ><
I told myself after I get my Flag I would concentrate on my SPM.
But I'm so hooked I cant stay away from the computer T__T
I also been away from my messanger long. D been rather er.. I have no idea how to describe ><
I think she might be mad at me? TAT I think I ditched her for maple.....
She also seem to close down on all the things... I hope it wasnt my doing >< though I know that at one part she will say it isnt >.<
But still... I'll miss her alot... T____T Noooo Daisyy~~~~~~~~~ \(TTDTT)/ Come baaaaccckkkkuuu`~~~!!
Btw, browsing on DA today, I found another lot of nice pictures to share. I'll post them on next time in my future entries ^^ Now I'm Lazy. >.< Laaa... bye bye XD
Current Mood: addicted
addicted06 August 2007 @ 12:53 pm
Okay so I have always had the intrest of Magic at heart.
Yesterday I finally managed to play Maple... ohhh the hearts ~~ XD
So anyways seems to me its really like how Krizziz said it would be... a Mario game!! *gonk face*
Well I bet you can guess what job I aimed for... XD XD XD
Magician :P yeah...
But after looking back on the skills, I think other jobs are also cooler o_o
Either way.. My dad took the comp off for some time to sent it to the hospital.
When got back my dad changed my administrator account to limeted account...
I was totally tortured and tormented those few days when I couldnt log in my files or play my games n sorts.
I merajuk.. and I also fustrated and plotted to one day laeve him (which its still a little choice now)
Anyways I "mogok" and he gave me the administrator power back sayign wth a lame excuse that he did it cause he didnt want me stressed up which will be bad for my cancer.
Anways I dont wanna bother thining about him or anything else.
I'm playing MAPLE NOW!!! W00ts!! Definately better than AUdition <_< ......
Though I do like how Audition is 3d and the characters n dressings are much nicer...
But I just cant stand playing those weirdo keys >A<*
My skilled dropped badly since i last played....
and the slowest songs are like 90bmp! Die!
Anyways I'm enjoying myself with Maple. Though no frineds to play with yet...
Its rather lonely... but heck.. nevermind... trainfist before I join them for battle..
nearly wanted to join so many people's party T_T but I told FantasiZer I'd join his.. so...
Bleh I dunno la... sigh.. just waiting to level up.. now around level 10 oni. *sighs*
FantasiZer say in 5 hours he can level 18.. no fair T3T owh well....
Going play more Maple and level up my chara before I go off for my afternoon nap XD
Owh yeah.. I forgot.. A picture I drew for FantasiZer for helping me scan some stuffs XD
(I edit the color/texture abit. I swear it looked better in RL!!)
Current Mood: addicted
addicted22 July 2007 @ 03:18 am
Its been a while since I last blog.
I can't say that I was busy really either.
The last few days ago, Dad was banning me from the computer.
Well sorta. Hiding away the keyboard. The MOdem.
Heck I was still kinda hooked to the computer I searched for it and connected it back XD
I mean you can't just take it away without warning me or stuff! @A@/
And he gave me 1 hour to play a day he said.
Like "What??!!" crazy! One hour isnt even enough to check all my messages in all my accounts!!
Anyays he sorta give in now.
But I have to be discipline and not hogged the computer too long (Yea right.. =.= like I can..??)
But I AM trying!! (>3<)/
Okay So... The other day right, while I was taking my quizes (quiz high again)
The computer failed me, Internet Explorer shutted downed on me.
So like I didn't manage to save(post) everything and it was GONEEE~~!! TAT
Luckily, somehow just a few minutes ago, the draft was saved and it showed up in the updating section. (YAY)
So My Quiz This again....
Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz
Okay back to my entry....
There was so many things I wanted to write about in my bloggy. But I guess I didnt have the time. *sighs*
Maybe next time I guess. I was thinking of writing an entry about my points of views and life of my Christianity and Cancer testimonials.
But I guess it would take a really long time.
Either way maybe one day soon I'll get onto it.
Of late K(Swedish meatballs) and Daisy were not on good terms.
I think its all my fault that this happen. >< Im such an idiot. *sighs*
I think if it wasn't for me they wouldnt be hating each other now...
All my fault to go ask K and Daisy to talk.
On another part is that K kinda creaps me out at times.
Not that I'm bothered about it, but he has that freakish clingy feeling to him... *shivers*
Sakura Yuki went to BonOdori this year (without me!! T^T) with BladeWing.
Like, *shivers*!!! I think somehow she was emotionally hurt there? (I don't know about physically though)
She met up with a bunch of CF-ers again. That Bloody Bladdie has the nerve to do so at Sy!! Cilakak!
Anyways she met up with FreakyEye too. (Freaky also posted that in her Journal at DA)
But she seems pretty okay now to me. (SY that is.)
Anyways been browsing around Da of late.
Cause I also posted my Animx Fashion-Ability entry on DA.
(Gosh I feel so sick whenever I think about it. This morning I was about to go post my
entry submission for the fashion-ability contest, when I realized that today was the 21st!
The closing entry date was on the 20th! Cause like, I was living one date behind time ><
I thought that the Saturday would be the 20th! T_T And I worked so hard on the design too!
I was so keen on tryig to hope that I might win first place -maybe- T.T)
Either way, I sent my entry. I just hope by luck, chance, or God's will, that it would be accepted.
But heck point to say that I will still have to make the costume if I am selected and model it out,
which is like highly impossible for me. T_T (At times like this I regret my leg amputation).
I was so down this morning I was nearly at tears. *sighs*
Well, anyways, I was at DA browsing around. I was having a bit of confidence in my art now
from my latest work (the fashion design entry). To further improve and work on my work,
I decided to challenge myself as well. (I took this off from another user, but edited it to my liking)
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Teh "100 THEMES CHALLENGE"
1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Hate
4. Sorrow
5. Tears
6. Happiness
7. Smile
8. Rain
9. Drive
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Okay back to blogging world again.
So I hope I might be able to complete the list.
Sometimes I just wish I had a tablet right now.. *sighs*
I sorta took this challenge up cause I thought that I have a scanner slave *coughs*
I mean scanner helper... (Mr. Fantasizer) to help me out with scanning! (Yay you!! I'll promise I'll draw something for youuu >A<)
Anways Fantasizer has been coming over to help me fix the Kernel32.dll eror thats stopping me from playing Maple.
K wasn't a bit help at all. (cis tak guna punya budak =3=*)
So like I was saying, seems that Fantasizer couldnt help me out much either. *sighs*
Stupid programs online are charging for thestupid program. =A=*
So in the mean time I just passed Fantasizer some movies, video, and manga's, while he copies me over some manga.
Asked him to search up some anime too (Wahahhaa!! My slave!! Wohoo!! *coughs not really... =w=;;)
He so jahat showing me his guild bloggy, link; http://eternalchaosguild.blogspot.com/
Now I really wan go Maple.... Nooooo...... \(TAT)/
Cis cis! He promised me that I would be the Vice President of the guild once I get level 30 beyond.
But I never got to play the game in the end *ohh what sorrow!! TAT*
Stupid him alwiz telling me that he and Blurcase are playnig Maple everyday (without me!!).
Same goes for (Mr-Dumbass-Creap)-Kanzaki, and Yurina. Grrr... *shakes fist*
So like today was a really cool day. In the morning there was a heavy mist over the Garden/Park/"Taman".
And ike it rained too. Pretty chilly today.
Chatted with Diasy and Shioko today too. Yeah well nothing much.
Dhanesh also kacau-ing this morning.
Besides that nothing much. Just tuning myself to an Anime called 'Makai Senki Disgaea'.
Its actually a game-based anime from the well known PS2-game Disgaea-Hour of Darkness.
I love the graphics and design, which drawn my full attention to it and the game called 'Phantom Brave'.
I just, love-love-love it! Even though I never really played the game. (I played Phantom Brave though).
On my gaia report, its shocking to find out that love2 was actually coupling with some guys online.
Lol, like not really that shocking, but I didn't expected it to be some 'other' guys besides makey_06.
Lmao-ing!
Also I am currently regular at Gaia to collect gold so I can get more furniture for my Gaia Home.
Another thing is the Gaia Film Festival Movie results are out. Kuro and I were watching it this morning and
having some laughs to ourselves. Its really worth watching to catch some laughs and 'OMG's/'WTH'. LOL
Ending my entry here today cause I see that is pretty long and boring for todays one.
Was thinking of posting a picture, but I think rather not because of the long entry and the other things
attached to todays entry (quiz results and challenge theme). So like I better scram off now. Jya!
-Shiro
Current Mood: excited
excitedCurrent Music: Makai Senki Disgaea Op Theme Song
15 July 2007 @ 04:46 am
I'm finally back from KB. The hospital trip was so-so.
Didn't like the scan much. I screamed in pain when the machine jet'd the chemicals in my body.
The radiologist says the scan showed that my lungs were clear. But later on the doctor said there were faint suspicious looking nodules in my lungs.
The again I don't believe the doctors cause I know there just trying to make us feel weary since were not following thier prescribtion and taking the chemoteraphy.
It was really boring there. In the night I sms'd Krizziz due to boredom.
I really missed the computer! The picture below should describe how I feel.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/3843
Computer addicts... you can't expect more than that. LOL ^O^
Yeah I really missed the computer much. Can't live without!
When I finally got back that night (early morning about 2am), that day, the compuer streamyx wasn't working well. TAT
Yeah the next morning my Dad had to reconfigurate it to work again. I could only used it for a while till about 12 midnight before it finally knocked out again while I was trying with my AuntLily to contact my cusins June and Grace in Singapore. *sighs* torture..!!!
Well so I watched TV until about 6am I guess. Well it wasn't so bad. Got motivated abit. Saw Bill Nye doing the intro in the "100 World Greatest Science Discovery" on channel 53 Discovery channel ;) (Or something along that line the name tittle of the show goes) Well I got a few inspiratinal quotes while watching TV.
I'll just list them out so next time in future reference it might come in handy.
"Our Earth may sattisfy our needs, but not our greeds."
Among the most memorable thing to remember from the ONeEarth inspiring advertistments.
I love thier adverts. They're all inspirational. Check out for more at http://www.OneEarth.org
"Everyone has a diffrent story to tell."
Well its true. What this mean is reffered to a life story of each person is diffrent from the other.
Were all individuals, and we all have a story to live which differs from one another.
"The Mind IS the Universe."
Or in a way "The Mind is where the Universe is". But I'd rather stick to the one above.
After all, when you think(alot!) about it, the mind creates the universe. Its so intensely great.
"Everyone has a role to fufill."
Not something too strange. Bet its something commonly heard at times.
But i think its still something deep to think about.
At times we think our role is only about filling something by helping out others or a job or family or sorts.
But its not only that. Our biggest role is the part we play in someone else's life as well. A small "hi", or a "thank you", or even a small deed we do, changes anothers persons life so dramaticly. I believe its all planned out. Thus the saying of the role to be fufilled.
"If you believe in something, believe it until the very end.
No matter what other people says, its them who don't understand
Stand firm your ground and hope for the best."
I got this one from a friends. I think it was made up on the spot when my friend was trying to cheer me up.
Eventually I used it in most of my signatures to remind me. It was something I neede to remember since I lagged in self confidence before. It was something I felt strongly attatched to this quote.
credit to : aoi_futaba
"We are all lonely souls."
Okay, randomly this was taken by Daisy just a few seconds ago.
There a real well grounded truth about it. I'm too lazy to explain long, but I know Daisy and I, plus a few other people... (;D I wont be mentioning who) would definately fall in the same group, and this line would best fit us. *sighs*
ok last one... a long one I got today from a new friend...
"What we say or what we do does not tell who we are.
What does say who we are, is the voices our hearts and the choices that we make."
Taken from a friend. Its very touching as well. Said that he made it four years ago.
In a way I would prefer to think how our action speaks one the kind of person we are. But this message says is how the way we think and feel inside is the person who we really are. I though about it for a while and it has some truth to it. Sometimes people want to be kind but cant due to the current condition or situation they are. My Dad says our actions and intentions speaks very diffrently, and our action reflects more on what we think.
But this one has something to it too to be remembered.
Okay... back to blogging again. Eventually I've been trying to blog for the past few hours but I've been chatting with a few people and I haven't stopped since. These people won't leave me alone for a while! LOL! *shakes fist in the air*
Been chatting the whole night with Karga and Diasy. Eventually there was alot to talk about, and we've been chatting for life 7 hours non-stop now. (since 12 am, and nows 7!). Added Kori into the room later.
Anyways I need to sleep quick so picture time!
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/4228
Hahaha. this one made me laugh hard! One person comment went:
"LMAO!!! OMG XDDDDDD I will never look at flowers the same way again. 8D!!!!"
Lolz, everyone had a good laugh when I posted in the chatroom Kargha, Daisy, Yurina, and I were chatting in.
I love this artist artworks. (the same artist for the one who drew the computer artwork above)
Most of his artworks pictures are funny. Do take the time to browse trough his gallery if have the time! Its a must!
There was one more picture I wanted to post up but the link seemed cranky today. I don't think I'll post it up in the future later since I'd be too lazy. Either way, I have to stop now.
-Shiro
Current Mood: chatty
chattyCurrent Music: ClaZziquai - sunshine
10 July 2007 @ 04:06 am
*deep sighs*
I'm feeling down again, like its so hard to breathe in the air.
I have no idea why, and no, it's not the princess-tower feeling again.
Sheesh... I have no idea why but I feel like I'm missing something.
I was about to be lazy to blog again. Daisy was saying the same thing that was in my head, but I though I really needed to unleash myself abit so I'm taking the time to type this. I really have no discipline really.
On alot of stuff yes, especially when I have no intrest in them. But for some reason, for things I'm attrated to, I can really put out my soul into them. Like breathing life into 'em they become preciously part of me.
Of late I've been procrastinating alot. I think I'm gonna be doomed when Spm arrives.
The new bunch of kids now adays score really well on they're achedemic achivements.
I feel so drowned. *sighs*
All I want to do is just draw! But I suck at it. Even if I am good, as many people tell I am, or better than many,
I feel lost somewhere in the bottom of the list of artist I see out to the open window.
My skills are so lacked, and not "good enough". I don't care whatever others say that I'm better than many others and I do posses a talent. But even so, my talent is so undevelop, so young, just like a hatchling, no, way below that, that I can't even compare myself to the others out there. I want to strive, learn, and try hard to reach among them, yet I not hold the key that allows me to do so.
I do not have the time. I do not have the knowledge. And I do not have the previlage to do so.
I'm worried about my future, as I'm always worried about everything I do, know, and make off.
I know its not healty to worry too much, but thats how I am. I can't help it.
I want to study after my SPM. I want to persue something to my liking and something I can enjoy doing in life and never get tire off or regret.
Yet I know after my SPM, the decision I make, the path/road I take, that will BE my journey of choice.
I will not be able to turn back. I'm afraid that it'll be something I regret.
I don't want to forget the vow I made to GOD. The days I was at the hospital was suppose to tell me my path.
I do not want to forget it, but yet I want to do something I can do for life as well.
I don't want to be so selfish! Yet I want to.
They say, "You cant help others unless you help yourself."
But what can I do? I'm such an insignificant person. Maybe now, maybe not in the future, but maybe so.
But at this moment of now, I don't know what I will do. What I will choose.
There's so much diffrence from the things I must do, and the thing I want to do.
It's such a complicated matter.
I just don't want to grow up and at near the end of my life I become someone I fear/ or afraid of turning out they way I shouldn't be.
Its the person in the future I worry that I turn out to become.
I'm feeling so down, I really don't know what I should be doing, what I should be feeling or what I want to be doing or have or missing.
I don't know what wrong with me.
I feel kinda down and moody again. And it's deifnately not because of PMS.
I feel sad, yet I'm not. I'm fustrated, but I don't know why.
I can't say I'm happy, cause I'm not either.
Sometimes I think its because I'm confused, but what am I confused about really?
"I'm confused about being confused?". It doesn't make much sense to me.
Its such a weird feeling that its hard to breathe.
Like the cold fresh cooling air that normally fills up the lungs won't go in.
It's hard to breathe. Like the air has turned and made up of heavy rocks, and suffocates me.
It becomes like a burden to breathe and forsed to carry on breathing to live.
----------------------------------------
Anyways blogging about life. later this morning I'm going to ahve to go to KB again for a CT scan in HUSM.
Kuro will be tagging along this time as a fun filled trip to look at scenery and stuff.
I hope the trip down this time will clear my head from the blurred thoughts.
I don't think I look to forward on my trip there this time.
Were going off without the maid this time as my Dad is having issues with my grandma.
Also going for the CT scan is no fun. I definately dislike having it.
I know for sure that going there means poking that weird tube needle into my hand again for injection of the weird cold/hot fluid into my body for the scanning. I hate injections into my body.
Needles... peircing... and that thing hanging on my hand!!! And pain!!!
And the bloody scan ain't fun either. That weird rays used by the machine to scan trought the body...
with the fluid makes the body feel like being examined and rays passed trough the body like walking through wall.
Its a disgusting weird, and not likable feeling trust me.
Its like being see'd right trough. Also theres that hot / cold feeling when the rays pass as it reacts with the chemical thats been pumped into the body. Ewwwww...!!!
Then I have to wait for the pain of pulling the needle out again. HUhuhuuuu T_T
Like aren't I been poked with needles enough already!!!!
Anyways I've posted enough for today. I think I posted too much to read as well as too "emo".
*sighs* >>No piccies today that I feel like posting that suits<<
-Shiro
I'm feeling down again, like its so hard to breathe in the air.
I have no idea why, and no, it's not the princess-tower feeling again.
Sheesh... I have no idea why but I feel like I'm missing something.
I was about to be lazy to blog again. Daisy was saying the same thing that was in my head, but I though I really needed to unleash myself abit so I'm taking the time to type this. I really have no discipline really.
On alot of stuff yes, especially when I have no intrest in them. But for some reason, for things I'm attrated to, I can really put out my soul into them. Like breathing life into 'em they become preciously part of me.
Of late I've been procrastinating alot. I think I'm gonna be doomed when Spm arrives.
The new bunch of kids now adays score really well on they're achedemic achivements.
I feel so drowned. *sighs*
All I want to do is just draw! But I suck at it. Even if I am good, as many people tell I am, or better than many,
I feel lost somewhere in the bottom of the list of artist I see out to the open window.
My skills are so lacked, and not "good enough". I don't care whatever others say that I'm better than many others and I do posses a talent. But even so, my talent is so undevelop, so young, just like a hatchling, no, way below that, that I can't even compare myself to the others out there. I want to strive, learn, and try hard to reach among them, yet I not hold the key that allows me to do so.
I do not have the time. I do not have the knowledge. And I do not have the previlage to do so.
I'm worried about my future, as I'm always worried about everything I do, know, and make off.
I know its not healty to worry too much, but thats how I am. I can't help it.
I want to study after my SPM. I want to persue something to my liking and something I can enjoy doing in life and never get tire off or regret.
Yet I know after my SPM, the decision I make, the path/road I take, that will BE my journey of choice.
I will not be able to turn back. I'm afraid that it'll be something I regret.
I don't want to forget the vow I made to GOD. The days I was at the hospital was suppose to tell me my path.
I do not want to forget it, but yet I want to do something I can do for life as well.
I don't want to be so selfish! Yet I want to.
They say, "You cant help others unless you help yourself."
But what can I do? I'm such an insignificant person. Maybe now, maybe not in the future, but maybe so.
But at this moment of now, I don't know what I will do. What I will choose.
There's so much diffrence from the things I must do, and the thing I want to do.
It's such a complicated matter.
I just don't want to grow up and at near the end of my life I become someone I fear/ or afraid of turning out they way I shouldn't be.
Its the person in the future I worry that I turn out to become.
I'm feeling so down, I really don't know what I should be doing, what I should be feeling or what I want to be doing or have or missing.
I don't know what wrong with me.
I feel kinda down and moody again. And it's deifnately not because of PMS.
I feel sad, yet I'm not. I'm fustrated, but I don't know why.
I can't say I'm happy, cause I'm not either.
Sometimes I think its because I'm confused, but what am I confused about really?
"I'm confused about being confused?". It doesn't make much sense to me.
Its such a weird feeling that its hard to breathe.
Like the cold fresh cooling air that normally fills up the lungs won't go in.
It's hard to breathe. Like the air has turned and made up of heavy rocks, and suffocates me.
It becomes like a burden to breathe and forsed to carry on breathing to live.
----------------------------------------
Anyways blogging about life. later this morning I'm going to ahve to go to KB again for a CT scan in HUSM.
Kuro will be tagging along this time as a fun filled trip to look at scenery and stuff.
I hope the trip down this time will clear my head from the blurred thoughts.
I don't think I look to forward on my trip there this time.
Were going off without the maid this time as my Dad is having issues with my grandma.
Also going for the CT scan is no fun. I definately dislike having it.
I know for sure that going there means poking that weird tube needle into my hand again for injection of the weird cold/hot fluid into my body for the scanning. I hate injections into my body.
Needles... peircing... and that thing hanging on my hand!!! And pain!!!
And the bloody scan ain't fun either. That weird rays used by the machine to scan trought the body...
with the fluid makes the body feel like being examined and rays passed trough the body like walking through wall.
Its a disgusting weird, and not likable feeling trust me.
Its like being see'd right trough. Also theres that hot / cold feeling when the rays pass as it reacts with the chemical thats been pumped into the body. Ewwwww...!!!
Then I have to wait for the pain of pulling the needle out again. HUhuhuuuu T_T
Like aren't I been poked with needles enough already!!!!
Anyways I've posted enough for today. I think I posted too much to read as well as too "emo".
*sighs* >>No piccies today that I feel like posting that suits<<
-Shiro
Current Mood: depressed
depressedCurrent Music: Cafeta Cuba - Dejate Caer